Movies watched the week of 3/23 - 3/29

Hello gang.  Welcome to the new installment of my weekly update of the movies I've watched.  This was a very solid week, staying very solid throughout with the exception of one very high* and one very low.  No thematic lineup this week like the accidental one last week, but there is a wide variety at hand.  Now, I will be starting a full time job soon so this blog (and especially this installment) may be slow for a bit.  But I am committed to making this thing a working and functioning blog, getting better and better as I go on.  There should also be another list coming soon, so look out for that.  So for now, give this a look and hopefully I inspire you to seek something out from here.  Enjoy guys.

*Expect to see a full review of The Raid 2: Berandal soon.

Cheap Thrills (March 23rd, 2014)

Director: E.L. Katz

Starring: Pat Healy, Ethan Embry, David Koechner and Sara Paxton

Sometimes, it is best to go into a movie cold.  I had heard this movie mentioned around, but I had luckily heard nothing about the premise of movie.  All I heard was that it was a crazy ride.  And fucking hell was it a crazy ride.  Basic set up time.  Pat Healy is a down on his luck man, who has a new born baby and an overdue rent bill.  He's about to be evicted when he loses his job.  When he goes to a bar in a depression, he runs into old high school friend Ethan Embry.  Embry is also not doing so great.  But they run into Koechner and Paxton, a married couple celebrating Paxtons birthday.  They all start having some fun when Koechner starts betting the two guys to do stupid shit for money.  From there, things get alot crazier.  I won't spoil anything else, but suffice it to say I was surprised by much of the events of the movie.  It is very funny, but also very brutal in both physical and emotional ways.  The acting is great all around.  You can see the distress and desperation in Healy, the fuckup nature in Embry, the life of the party with a sick side in Koechner and the low key master manipulator in Paxton.  The writing is also very good, as it lays out these crazy scenes with a wicked black humor.  But it also manages to add in a layer of class warfare into the proceedings.  It doesn't beat you over the head with it.  It's there for those who would look for it.  This was a very surprising movie, a hell of a ride that isn't an easy movie with easy consequences.  High recommendation, especially with no foreknowledge.

Rating: 9/10

The Art of The Steal (March 23rd, 2014)
Director: Jonathan Sobol
Starring: Kurt Russell, Matt Dillon, Jay Baruchel, and Terrence Stamp



It has been way too long since Kurt Russell has lead a movie (7 years to be exact with Death Proof).  So it is with a great sigh of relief to see that his return isn't wasted.  He plays Crunch Calhoun, a motorcycle daredevil who is the getaway driver for a group of thieves.  Dillon plays his half brother Nicky, the con man of the group.  Nicky screws over Crunch, landing Crunch in jail for 5 1/2 years.  Crunch gets out and tries to go straight, but the old life calls for him.  So we get involved with Crunch and the old crew as they try to make a sizable heist.  This is not a particularly deep movie, but it makes up for its lack of depth with a big heaping of fun.  Kurt is back in lovable doofus mode, ala Jack Burton.  He isn't as useless as good ole Jack, but he isn't the swaggering badass like Snake Plissken.  Dillon is perfect as the dickhead that kicks the plot into motion.  The whole cast is solid and the writing is very well done.  The movie doesn't reinvent the wheel, but it's a fun enough entry into the heist genre to keep things going.  There's twists that aren't exactly original, but you get into the movie and let the turns take you by surprise.  The main draw of the movie though is to see Kurt back on screen and showing he hasn't lost a single bit of talent or charisma.  Hopefully it won't be too long between jobs like last time, the next being Fast and Furious 7 next year.

Rating: 8.5/10

The Graduate (March 24th, 2014)
Director: Mike Nichols
Starring: Dustin Hoffman, Anne Bancroft, Katharine Ross, William Daniels


Sometimes a classic will evade me.  I went to film school for fucks sake, so you figured I'd have seen this movie sooner than now.  But at least I finally saw it and I can say I dig the movie and understand the love.  It has to be said though that I don't personally love the movie, as it has a dated feel to it.  And not dated in terms of references.  It has a lot of that old school acting where things aren't very natural and things aren't still filmed old school.  It's hard to really explain, but there's a definite difference in feeling in movies before the 70s and after the 70s.  I had those same issues with The Searchers a while ago.  But I did enjoy the story enough to not let certain dated elements drag this down.  Hoffman is Ben Braddock, a college graduate who comes back home and finds himself unmoored.  He doesn't know what to do with himself when he ends up in an affair with his parents friend, Mrs Robinson (Bancroft).  But while this relationship is purely carnal and a time passer, Braddock ends up falling for Elaine Robinson (Ross), Mrs Robinsons daughter.  This throws a big wrench into everything and Ben has to finally get a fire in his ass to do something and make a choice.  The acting is solid all around, though I'll have to admit I found Hoffman really fucking annoying in this movie.  More likely than not, that's just the point of the character and the movie.  He is playing a really annoying person.  But it felt to me like Hoffman isn't as fully formed an actor yet, this being his big break in cinema.  Again, it's probably what the role called for but something else kinda irritated me.  I don't know.  But the writing is also excellent, as a shot at the generation of the time being a bunch of spoiled assholes with no drive and no foresight being snuck into a rom com.  Hell, the end of the movie is the biggest sign of that intention, nailing it home before the credits hit.  Nichols is very assured in his direction, the perfect fit for the material.  The pool/scuba gear scene coulda been trimmed if you ask me, but it's not a killer.  I've heard this movie is one that grows with a person over time, so I'm very interested to see how I see it down the line.  I'm glad I saw it and am a bit irritated it took me this long.

Rating: 8/10

National Lampoon's Vacation (March 27th, 2014)
Director: Harold Ramis
Starring: Chevy Chase, Beverly D'Angelo, Anthony Michael Hall, and Dana Barron



This movie is an abysmal piece of shit.  Straight up, no preamble.  I hated every minute of this miserable piece of fucking garbage.  I hadn't seen it and I had a bit of a fire in my gut to see some of Harold Ramis' movies that I hadn't seen after his passing.  I mean, everything he's done that I've seen I liked I wasn't worried.  But fuck, I really struck out with my first viewing in this filmography.  This family of cardboard cutouts pretending to be actors decide to drive from Chicago to California for a vacation that culminates in the movies version of Disneyland.  I really don't want to talk about this movie anymore.  It's an ugly, unfunny black hole of shit that has tricked people into calling it a classic.  Now, I've never been Chases biggest fan.  But I tolerated him in Caddyshack, and laughed at times on Community.  But this is the nadir.  He is beyond awful in this movie.  It makes me that much happier that Bill Murray punched him in the face, and that his career has been utter horseshit since the 80s.  Honestly, the worst thing about this is that it came after Animal House and Caddyshack.  Those two movies were so much better on every level, so confident and well crafted with great characters and great jokes.  I really can't believe anyone from those two movies had a hand in this, but they did.  All I can say is, I'm glad Ramis got this out of his system before Ghostbusters.

Rating: 2/10

The Raid 2: Berandal (March 28th, 2014)
Director: Gareth Evans
Starring: Iko Uwais, Arifin Putra, Tio Pakusodewo, and Alex Abbad




Sometimes you see a movie and just know in your bones you witnessed something special.  Watching the first The Raid, I got the feeling that Gareth Evans was going to be someone to watch out for in action circles.  Then when he made the Safe Haven segment in VHS 2, we started to get the sense that there was more to him than filming a good fight.  It was still a violent as hell movie, but within a new genre and with a narrative to unfold.  So when The Raid 2 was announced, many got excited and for good cause.  The first one was an action classic, an economic film with a bare bones plot but tons of brutally and beautifully realized action. So add a story on top of that (a crime saga to boot) and things were looking good.  But nothing could have prepared me for the masterpiece of action cinema that Evans and co unleashed on the world.  On every single level, this movie tops the first times 10.  In an epic crime saga that unfolds over years, we find Rama (Uwais) as he tries to deal with the effects of the first movie.  In doing so, he has to go undercover in prison to get in with a crime syndicate to bring down police corruption.  But he finds himself in the midst of a gang war that is going to change everything.  What will he do to protect his family and to survive?  That's the question at hand and what gives us the plot needed to follow the great characters at hand as the war erupts and the violence reaches epic proportions.  While the story itself is good, it is nothing groundbreaking.  It has enough surprises to not be boring but it is firmly a crime saga.  But what sets this movie apart is Rama, the colorful cast of characters and the eye that Evans brings to the violence at hand.  Uwais had matured alot between these movies.  He won't win any awards but he brings real heart to the role, allowing us to invest in him completely.  He also bring a level of badassery unseen before, fighting like it could be his last every time and with no mercy.  The colorful cast elevates this too, as it adds some levity and color to the movie to prevent it from being to dark or bleak.  Between the assassin who chooses to be homeless, or the brother/sister assassin duo of Baseball Bat guy and Hammer Girl, or the creepy gangster with a cane, the cast in this goes beyond simple gangsters.  And Evans himself has completely matured, showing his skills with a bigger budget to show what he can do.  Visually, aurally, story and action wise this is above and beyond.  The action though is where he brings some instantly legendary stuff.  I won't spoil anything except to say the violence is unreal, shot with a clear sense of purpose and vision.  He manages to make each scene new and exciting, but also with some story meaning behind it to keep it from being boring.  The technical skills brought about to show these fights is unreal, sticking a camera into such tightly spaced fights that you can't believe it's happening without CGI.  This is a movie that hits hard and doesn't stop until the very last frame.  Gareth Evans has unleashed a new bench mark for action movies, ideally setting the stage for future filmmakers to shoot action like he did the same way The Bourne Supremacy did.  An instant classic, one of the best movies I've seen in a while, and a real signal for a new talent at hand.  With talk of a third to end a trilogy, I anxiously await what is at hand.  Because if it's better than this, Gareth cements his place in history.

Rating: 10/10

Jarhead (March 29th, 2014)
Director: Sam Mendes
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Peter Sarsgaard, Lucas Black, and Jamie Foxx



Ever since Skyfall, I've been meaning to see this movie.  Because the only Mendes movies I haven't seen at that point was this and Away We Go.  So now I only have Away We Go to see.  And while this is a departure for Mendes as it doesn't involve a malaise with men and their families, it does deal with the crushing disappointment of failing to achieve ones goals. But instead of being a typical family drama in the burbs, this has a makeshift family a soldier makes in war.  Gyllenhaal enlists in the marines and is a trained sniper.  All he wants to do is to go to war and use his skills to kill.  It sounds fucked but it's really due to the training these men go through.  They are molded into these killing machines and are basically told over and over they are gonna kill any bad guy they can find.  But when they go to Iraq in the 90s, Gyllenhaal doesn't fire his rifle once.  5 months in the desert and he wastes away essentially, everything he was taught and trained to do for naught.  The first in the partnership between Mendes and cinematographer Roger Deakins, it is a not surprisingly beautiful movie.  Gyllenhaal is great in one of his earliest great performances.  He nails the slipping sanity and crushing disappointment that he goes through.  The rest of the cast is great, Foxx in particular in a post Ray performance.  While the movie nails it's themes and is well made on a technical level with a great cast, the movie feels a bite been there done that.  It's a war movie that deals with a bit of the themes brought up in Three Kings, but with a bit of headupitsassitis.  While it is very good, I'd never put it in a top ten war movies list.  It isn't even one of the best war movies of the decade.  But it is great for a glimpse into what Mendes can do that isn't American Beauty, Road To Perdition or Skyfall.

Rating: 8/10

- Tom Lorenzo

Movies Watched The Week of 3/16 - 3/22

Welcome back fan(s?) to the new addition of my weekly post of movies watched for the week.  Again there's no real thematic hook, although I guess there is a theme running through 4 of them of morally ambiguity.  Which, fucking hell, just accidentally happened.  But I jump through time and genres to make the list a bit funky.  And while there where no lows as low as Only God Forgives (UGHHHH), we don't reach the highs of Inside Llewyn Davis or the Before Sunrise trilogy, we stay very even throughout.  So read through, enjoy and do something new and lets have a convo about some of the picks/ratings.  Let's get to it.

The Negotiator (March 16th, 2014)

Director: F. Gary Gray

Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Kevin Spacey, JT Walsh and Ron Rifkin


This is not a particularly smart movie.  I don't mean that as an insult.  If you know me long enough, you'll know that I love, and own, all the Friday The 13ths among other movies that aren't technically "good".  So don't take it as a demerit, just as a warning.  If you can't handle a movie that gets really stupid and has huge leaps in logic, go look elsewhere.  Because it may not be great, this is still an entertaining and thrilling little movie.  Sam Jackson plays police negotiator Danny Roman.  Roman is a highly successful hostage negotiator and he just got married.  But he gets caught up in a police corruption investiagtion, he makes a desperate play to take a suspect and others hostage so he can clear his name. And his first demand is a negotiator from another precinct, Chris Sabian as portrayed by Kevin Spacey. See, leaps of logic Michael Bay would scoff at.  But lo and behold, the movie holds itself together among some of the iffier moments and manages to entertain.  Jackson is completely committed, as always, as the desperate yet brilliant man on the edge.  Spacey is on point as the good guy dragged into a murky situation.  The supporting cast is made up of alot of "Oh hey, its those guys" guys, so they bring more life to the roles then needed.  Grays direction is solid throughout, keeping the proceedings humming along with enough energy to distract you from the silly elements until the movie ends and you actually think on it.  But the reason to keep going is the surprisingly interesting mystery at the heart of the movie.  Again, it's all fairly obvious when the movie ends.  But the movie grabs a hold of you and you go for the ride, letting the twists overtake you.  Another entry in the category of late night viewing.

Rating: 7.5/10

The Searchers (March 18th, 2014)
Director: John Ford
Starring: John Wayne, Jeffrey Hunter, Vera Miles, and Natalie Wood


I gotta admit something and it took me watching this movie to finally prepare myself to admit it.  I can't stand John Wayne.  I know.  I'd seen some of his stuff when I was a kid and didn't dig it.  Figured it was just me being a stupid kid, so I gave this movie a shot.  And while I liked the movie for the most part, I just cannot stand Wayne.  It's really weird, but there we go.  Cards on the table.  But for the most part, the movie is really damn good.  In my opinion, it's for two reasons.  One, the story is really damn good.  Two is John Ford is on point with his direction.  The story is a tragic epic about vengeance and family.  And Ford manages to direct the movie for optimal impact and entertainment.  But, I gotta say that the movie hasn't aged well for me.  There's a subplot with Jeffrey Hunters characters girlfriend or whatever that would have worked best out of the film, saved for the ending.  Not to mention Hunters acting style isn't very transformative, playing the guy with that old school style of acting of going wide eyed and whyioughta style of tough guy posturing.  Just an annoying performance.  But I still gotta admit I rolled with the story.  It had me hooked.  I had to imagine Clint Eastwood or Charles Bronson instead of Wayne the whole time, but the movie got me.  Especially the ending, which is much more emotional than one would think.  So if you're more open to old school movies like this than I am, you're in for a treat.  But if you are less tolerant than me, don't deal with it.  Personally, I would love to see a remake of this.  It worked for True Grit and that's better than the original.  But hey, that's just me.

Rating: 7/10

The Monster Squad (March 19th, 2014)
Director: Fred Dekker
Starring: Andre Gower, Stephen Macht, Dungan Regehr, and Tom Noonan



The only movie that Shane Black was involved in that I hadn't seen until this week.  Saw it as Best Buy so I had to buy it.  Heard great things about it, so I was excited.  And it was worth it for the most part.  I won't lie and say the movie is perfect.  Far from it.  It is totally a movie of the 80s and it is very short and rickety.  It feels like a chopped up version of a longer movie.  The plot kind of just happens with no real drive, until it happens and it's over.  But the movie has a certain appeal, a heart that just makes it so fun to watch.  We follow these nerdy kids who have a monster movie club.  Then one day, they find out the monsters from these movies exist and are trying to end the world.  The squad tries to find this amulet to stop them.  That's it.  No side plots.  Just straight ahead to it.  But the kids are all fun to watch, including probably the cutest little girl to ever appear in a movie.  The effects are cool, as coming from Stan Winston it's not a surprise. Regehr and Noonan bring alot of soul to the characters of Dracula and Frankensteins Monster, respectively.  Regehr makes it totally believable that he would grab a little girl by the face, pick her up, then call her a bitch.  Noonan makes the monster very innocent and believably the kind of "man" who'd side with the kids.  Honestly, if you aren't into horror movies and/or you hate 80s movies about kids you won't like the movie.  But since I love horror movies and this movie is made for those fans, I dug it while acknowledging full well it's a messy movie.

Rating: 7.5/10

Centurion (March 20th, 2014)
Director: Neil Marshall
Starring: Michael Fassbender, Dominic West, and Olga Kurylenko



When Neil Marshall is directing a project, you know two things.  One, it's gonna be a down and dirty movie.  Two, the movie is gonna be bloody as all fucking hell.  So when he's doing a movie about Roman soldiers stuck behind enemy lines, it's best to brace one self for a bloodily insane movie.  Probably one of bloodiest movie in a pre Gareth Evans time.  The plot is just as simple as I said.  The Romans are trying to force the resistance out of North Britain and get stuck behind enemy lines and try to survive the hunting party that is after them.  Simple, to the point.  Simplicity is where Marshall shines.  Look at the difference between The Descent and Doomsday.  Where Doomsday isn't a mess, it's a fun little B movie that tries a little too much.  So the simplicity of the movie is welcome.  It is by no means a classic, but the actors all bring grit and honor to the roles of these men we are supposed to care who lives and dies.  Fassbender and West are the two big Romans we get to know, but The Governor from The Walking Dead and Davos from Game of Thrones show up and retroactively make their two characters even better with the new perspective we have on them.  Marshall directs the action with his typically great eye, making every hit hurt and every hit a bloody mess.  We can see whats going on in each action scene, a rapidly fading skill in action movies.  There's really not much else to say without just talking about each beat of the plot.  The movie is dirty, grimy, bloody and fun as hell.  If you wanna watch a smaller scaled, intimate swords and sandals movie, this fits the bill pretty well.

Rating: 8/10

Tequila Sunrise (March 21st, 2014)
Director: Robert Towne
Starring: Mel Gibson, Kurt Russell, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Raul Julia


I'm not gonna say this was a bad movie, or it had a bad script or that it was directed less the capably.  All I will say is that the success of this movie, the fact that it works at all, is on the shoulders of the cast.  And what a cast it is.  I will say that the story isn't bad.  For the most part it's good.  We follow Gibson as an ex drug dealer trying to reform his ways, while Russell plays his friend who just so happens to be a cop who is pressured to take down Gibson.  The only weak part of the script is a love triangle between the two friends and Pfeiffer.  It's the only really boring parts of the movie, as it's just a sort of rushed along thing.  You feel like the only reason this women would fall for these guys is because the script says so.  The cast trys their best, but they couldn't elevate the subject for me.  But the crime stuff is cool, as you get Raul Julia playing a crime boss from Gibsons past looking to unload a big score while in town.  The movie plays with expectations a bit, as Gibson should kind of be the bad guy of the movie being a drug dealer and all.  But he comes across as the semi good guy, while Russell comes off as kind of bad because he's trying to take down his friend, but not really.  And Julia just owns, as usual, every scene he's in.  The subversive and morally ambiguity is personified in him, as he is a very bad guy who isn't mustache twirling evil and does care about his friendship with Gibson.  While the tacked on romance doesn't destroy the movie, it deflates it a bit and bumps it down a little.  But it is still an enjoyable romp with a great cast of actors having a blast with a morally grey premise.  I'll be watching it again.

Rating: 8/10

Three Outlaw Samurai (March 23rd, 2014)
Director: Hideo Gosha
Starring: Tetsuro Tanaba, Isamu Nagato and Mikijiro Hira



Usually, the great Samurai movies usually invoke the name Akira Kurosawa in cinemaphiles heads.  I mean, the man did for them what John Ford did for Westerns, if John Ford was more like Sergio Leone.  So when I'm told about this Samurai classic and am told that Kurosawa didn't make it, I was a bit surprised.  Now, that sounds a bit ignorant.  But I'm sorry, Kurosawa just looms large over the genre.  A prequel movie to a Japanese tv show, this movie was a lot different than I expected.  I saw that it was about three wandering Ronin that get involved in a kidnapping plot, I thought it was gonna be a much more noble and clean cut movie.  But this movie, unlike it's visuals, is not a black and white affair.  The three ronin aren't friends at the beginning.  Hell, only two of them become friends before the third act.  And not even friends.  Fellow Ronin that share similar ideals, different than the clans of Japan.  The kidnapping itself is murky, as it is perpetrated by peasants looking to negotiate lower taxes with the clan of the area.  Now, you'd think it would just be a case of getting the kidnapped (the daughter of the magistrate) back.  But this clan acts like a criminal organization, from killing witnesses to trying to steal evidence and reneging on deals just to save face before the boss comes through town.  The ronin themselves aren't typically good protagonists.  One just gets involved because he doesn't like the clans actions, another gets involved because he was a peasant/loves a peasant, and the other is working with the clan only because they will put him up.  This is just a great, early example of morally ambiguous storytelling that maybe tips its feeling a little too much towards one group but isn't shoving it in your face.  The only thing that I didn't like in the movie was a romance subplot that just kinda happens.  It's there and I was a bit perplexed at it, because it isn't built up or natural.  It's there to make us like one of the Ronin I guess, but it doesn't work for me.  And not a big deal, but alot of the sword play is very monotonous, but they make it kind of hurt by having blood spurt out, a welcome surprise for such an old movie.  All in all, this is a very surprising movie that challenges you and doesn't play by the rules.  A great early Samurai movie that plays like a crime film, the way Yojimbo was like a Western.

Rating:8.5/10

- Tom Lorenzo

My 10 Favorite Animated Movies

Welcome to the newest list to this barely existent blog.  This time, the topic at hand is Animated films.  Yes, I will be tackling cartoons.  And as usual with a top ten, or any lists I do here, it is all going to be my opinion and my bias.  I'm not making the definitive list of cartoons.  Every site has one and it's always the same damn things.  So I wanna shake it up a bit and do my favorites.  And like the year end review, my boys Mike Natale and Josh Paige have their own versions too.  So check them out (click on their names to go to their pages) and compare them.  Until then, lets get nuts.

"What's up kitty? Wanna hear about every major event in US history in 3 minutes?"

(Special Mention)  Oliver and Company 

Director: George Scribner
Starring: Joseph Lawrence, Billy Joel, Cheech Marin, and Dom DeLuise

I need to mention this movie on the list even though it isn't one of my ten favorite animated films, simply due to the fact that it is the first movie I remember seeing in the theaters.  It was a rerelease and my mom took me and I remember loving it.  It's just Oliver Twist, but for kids.  And that's totally fine.  But I didn't see the movie ever again after that initial viewing, but I had it ingrained in my mind.  It was always lingering.  And then, on my 23rd birthday, the Gods smiled down upon me and released the Blu Ray of this movie that day.  It was a sign.  I picked it up that day and watched it.  Nostalgia overload.  I personally love the movie, but it isn't perfect Disney.  And there have been others to top it.  But in pure nostalgia, not many can beat it.

A movie about dogs doing things, one voiced by Cheech.  Even as a kid, I was sold.

The calm before the time traveling shit storm. 

10. Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox

Director: Jay Oliva
Starring: Justin Chambers, Kevin McKidd, Michael B. Jordan, and C. Thomas Howell


I decided I was going to put one comic book movie on here and it came down to this and The Dark Knight Returns (I haven't seen Mask of The Phantasm, relax).  But Flashpoint edges it out for two reasons.  One is that TDKR has some of the same flaws that the book has.  Two is that Flashpoint managed to invoke an emotional response out of me that wasn't just "FUCK YEAH!" or "I can't believe I'm watching something I read as a kid".  Based on the graphic novel by Geoff Johns, The Flash wakes up one day and realizes he isn't The Flash anymore, he's just Barry Allen and he realizes something is up.  The entire world is different and he has to figure out why.  What follows is an epic tale of an alternate world that is divided by war, and features some brilliant alternate versions of the Justice League.  The best of this comes in the new Batman, which I won't spoil for the uninitiated.  But the relationship between him and Barry is just fantastic, especially with the payoff for them.  This is also one of the few adaptations that is better than the source material.  It takes the general outline and many of the details, but tweaks things a bit to make it work better as a whole.  More streamlined and more details to craft a fully realized world.  Simply put, it is a thrilling adventure with a lot of heart and a lot of ideas.  DC animations crowning achievement thus far.

The heart of this movie is thanks to these two.

Anyone who grew up in the 90s lost it in this scene

9. Wreck It Ralph

Director: Rich Moore
Starring: John C Reilly, Sarah Silverman, Alan Tudyk, and Jane Lynch


The Who Framed Roger Rabbit of my generation.  Instead of old cartoon characters, we get a buffet of video game characters.  We follow the titular Ralph, a video game bad guy who doesn't want to be a bad guy anymore.  So he hops out of his game looking to prove his worth.  What follows is a surprisingly emotional ride that almost goes full Iron Giant on us.  The movie also gets really heavy towards the end with the potential of insanity and death coming at the characters.  But really, the main thing about the movie is it is hilarious.  Reilly is perfect as Ralph, nailing the big bruiser with a heart of gold.  Silverman is even bearable as Vanellope.  Tudyk is completely unrecognizable as King Candy and Jane Lynch is, well, Jane Lynch.  There are many a references to games new and old, and many cameos.  This movie really was just a trip down memory lane and really made me happy.  A movie for all ages, if you played games as a kid or you have kids that do now, this movie is tailor made for you.

A surprisingly emotional scene in an otherwise laugh riot

An image still sticking to young minds today

8. The Nightmare Before Christmas 
Director: Henry Selick
Starring: Chris Sarandon, Danny Elfman, and Catharine O'Hara


If you had to ask a bunch of random people who directed this movie, the majority of them would say Tim Burton.  They'd be wrong, but not really.  No slight to Selick, who delivered a great god damn movie.  But this is like the "who really directed Poltergeist" question that's been asked for a while.  The directors of these two movies may get the technical credit, but each delivered a movie that feels so completely like one of the producers movie that we don't really know now.  But no matter who gets the credit, Nightmare Before Christmas is one of the best animated movies ever.  Filmed with the stop motion technique, the movie is visually one of the best and most unique on this list.  It also has one of the most unique stories on the whole list, as it involves the citizens of Halloween Town trying to take over Christmas from Santa in Christmas Town.  But it's not a war or anything.  The guys in Halloween Town, led by Jack Skellington, wanna help and be nice and do good things. Jack is having a mid life crisis, sick of only doing Halloween.  So he tries to be the new "Sandy Claws" for the world.  But it doesn't go too well, and the "crime boss" of Halloween Town makes things worse.  The movie is a blast to watch, a unique experience that really is just singularly Burton even if he isn't the "director".  The cast is great, the songs by Elfman are wonderful and catchy, and the moral of the story is something every kid needs to hear.  Don't try to be like everyone else.  Be who you are, do what you're good at and be proud.  It's great that the moral is in such a good damn movie.  Don't expect to be moved like the other movies on this list.  It tries for those moments, but doesn't hit them as hard as even Flashpoint Paradox does.  But for a pure, fun time there aren't many better options.  

"Jeez, I gotta stop taking amphetamines"

Look at this cute son of a bitch

7. Wall-E

Director: Andrew Stanton

This is the movie that proved Pixar was the best in the biz.  Yeah, we knew for a while they were unreal and unbeatable.  Yeah, they stumbled with Cars and are in a bit of a dry spell since after Toy Story 3.  But this movie was just a monumental achievement that people still can't believe it.  It's a movie about a robot that can only say his name, Wall-E, as he embarks on a journey that changes the notions of what he can do and that changes the Earth.  An almost dialogue-less movie, this movie is still just a technical marvel.  The fact that we can understand everything thats going on, what the characters are thinking and not be bored is unreal.  It's a funny, thrilling and poignant movie that just kind of throws the gauntlet down for what can be done with narratives, not just in animation but in all of cinema.

Just an incredible relationship

May be a fan art, but one of the most iconic images ever

6. The Lion King

Directors: Roger Allers and Rob Minkoff
Starring: Matthew Broderick, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Jeremy Irons, and James Earl Jones


In my humblest of opinions, this is the best work Disney has done.  Yes, it is just Hamlet with animals.  But, it's Hamlet with animals so it's already better than Hamlet.  But seriously, this movie has it all.  It is funny, fun but also just a tear jerker.  Seriously, if you don't well up at all during this movie, fuck you you dead soul prick.  You got great characters all fully realized by a perfect voice cast.  Elton John delivers a perfect soundtrack that lives on to this day.  And there are moments in this movie that are just absolutely transcendent.  You get an epic power struggle between a Lion family and the epic tragedy that unfolds throughout.  The movie is great and iconic for all who watch it, but there is one group that this movie hits a lot harder and that is boys.  Whether you have issues with your father like me, or you have a great relationship with him, this movie is just rough.  It takes everything you feel about that specific parent and sticks an emotional blade in your ribs.  It's like the Brians Song for kids.  But stripped down of any greater details or analysis, the movie is just perfect.  Disney's best work is also the last great movie they made on their own, with out the help of Pixar (note: I haven't seen Frozen so shut up about and... Let It Go, fucking nailed it).

Look at this image.  If you ain't sold, go watch Grimm or some shit

The ideal pairing for True Detective Season 2

5. Up

Directors: Pete Docter and Bob Peterson
Starring: Ed Asner, Jordan Nagai, Bob Peterson, and Christopher Plummer


Up is a movie that everyone loves, but you just hate for the beginning of it.  Not because it's bad.  But because it just rapes your emotions and doesn't take no for an answer.  Essentially a short film before the rest of the film plays out, we watch as Carl and his wife Ellie live out their lives.  We see the highs and the heart wrenching lows till we eventually get to the moment when Carl is all alone with his memories.  All set to music, we still get caught up in the emotional roller coaster that is their life.  And when Carl is about to be forced out of the home that he made with his wife, he hatches a plan to lift his home off the ground and into the skies by inflating hundreds of helium balloons and flying to the exotic location that he planned to go with Ellie.  But a hyper, lonely boy scout is stuck with him and they almost make it to the location before getting into an epic adventure.  The movie is just a well oiled machine, knowing when to make you laugh or to cry or to sit on the edge of your seat.  The relationship between Carl and Russell the boy scout is great.  Add in the talking dog Dug, then you got a hell of a trio.  But watching as Russell manages to thaw the icy shield that Carl has erected after losing his love is fantastic.  You got a great bad guy in Charles Muntz (Plummer) who is the inverse of Carl.  A man who is so unable to let go of the past that he has curdled and turned bad.  Really, I'd say this is the best Pixar movie if there wasn't an entry later on in this list.  But suffice it to say, this coming right after Wall-E has cemented their place right next to old school Disney.

Literally the saddest thing in a cartoon ever.  Literally.

An odd, but powerful friendship begins


4. The Iron Giant
Director: Brad Bird
Starring: Eli Marienthal, Jennifer Aniston, Christopher McDonald, and Vin Diesel



This fucking movie.  Seriously, this is one of those movies that just makes men weep like little babies.  And it is all thanks to the masterful direction of Brad Bird.  The movie that put him on everyones radar, before Pixar had him build a monster hit for them with The Incredibles (just barely missed the list).  Set in the 50s, we follow the loner outcast Hogarth (Marienthal) as he lives his life with his imagination as his only friend.  But wandering through the woods one day, he stumbles across a giant robot (yes, the titular giant).  With no clues as to who he is or where he's from, the giant essentially learns how to act by Hogarths example.  And as the movie goes along, a very special bond builds between the two and ends in tearjerker fashion.  From a stunning script to wonderful casting (Diesel has little to do, but makes every moment count) to Birds, again, masterful direction we had a classic that slipped under the radar.  By using the paranoia of communism prevalent in the 50s and the plethora of sci movies from the time, the movie has a dated but timeless feel.  Even though it's steeped in that eras paranoia and fears, it builds a movie about friendship and destiny and identity that is completely timeless.  And while it didn't light the world on fire initially, it has developed quite the rep.  It is rightfully considered one of the best, and probably the last great hand drawn animated film.  Just a perfect experience.

The day every boy learned how to cry

Sorry.  THIS is the best True Detective season 2 pairing

3. Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Director: Robert Zemeckis 

Starring: Bob Hoskins, Christopher Lloyd, Charles Fleischer and Kathleen Turner


One of the most innovative technical achievements on this list.  It is also kind of a cheat, but fuck it.  It's my list and most of the characters in this movie are animated, and the climax takes place in Toon Town.  An old school noir mixed with the zany antics of the Looney Tunes, the movie stars Hoskins as Eddie Valiant.  He is a PI who used to work in Toon Town, but is no a burnout drunk.  But when he gets roped into a plot to frame Roger Rabbit for murder, he is thrust back into the zany world he thought he left behind.  This is a movie everyone sees as a kid, and it is the perfect middle ground of being fun enough for kids to watch and serious enough for adults to enjoy.  It never leans too far either way, and it makes it one of the best early movies to show kids that isn't just ADD cartoon bullshit.  This is Zemeckis at peak form, better than Back To The Future in my opinion.  Hoskins is perfect, nailing the old school noir detective role while feeling perfectly in line with the cartoonish world around him.  Lloyd is just terrifying and haunting to any child, completely insane.  So basically, Lloyd being Lloyd.  And then you got Fleischer and Turner just turning these two toons into new animated icons.  Fleischer nailing the semi retarded tone that Roger has. Turner nails the animated femme fatale that every noir needs, just animated this time.  The story is perfectly noir esque, a conspiracy involving powerful people and the ruination of a peoples, but involving cartoons.  Really, this is the staying power of the movie.  It somehow manages to be completely insane with this toeing of tones that it never falls into either one.  It manages that timelessness by embracing different aesthetics from different eras, combining into one masterpiece of cinema.

Oh, hey childhood nightmares.  What's good?

This is the tamest moment of the movie, and it comes in the beginning.

2. South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut

Director: Trey Parker
Starring: Matt Stone and Trey Parker

Time to put on my controversy hat and make a bold statement.  The first two seasons of South Park aren't very good.  They were just typical animated stories but with alot more filth.  Yeah, at the time it was great.  But age hasn't been too kind to it.  Mainly, it was kinda stupid.  Nothing else going on.  But it was so big it managed to warrant a big screen movie.  And then something special happened.  Matt and Trey grew up a bit, making a movie filthier than anything they've done before but with a lot of brains.  This is basically them responding to all the criticisms they got from parents groups and the likes about being too filthy for kids.  So they made a movie about that.  This was the moment when the show reached iconic status, and Matt and Trey became comedy icons.  But that alone doesn't make a funny movie.  Luckily, they bring the funny in fucking dump trucks.  Shit, look at the title.  From the get go, they give you a joke you may not get on first glance.  It's just them saying its the movie version of the show.  But it's a dick joke.  Laying on complete filth that was never seen in a comedy before, let alone one so mainstream.  Matt and Trey lay the jokes upon jokes, writing hilarious songs and building the story to completely insane ends.  This may be the start of the tradition of taking a simple story, and going overboard with the outcomes.  The movie is about the effects of foul shows and movies.  So they start with censorship, but instead of building to a low key ending where everyone learns a lesson, it just goes to completely illogical extremes for real life but sensible for that world.  They take a movie about censorship and throw in a world war and the apocalypse led by Satan and Saddam Hussein, all while being a musical.  This is a movie that shouldn't exist, but it does and it is glorious.  Not only is it the funniest and smartest cartoon I've seen, it's one of the best movies I've seen.

Only in South Park does this make sense when dealing with censorship

The best friendship my generation ever saw

1. Toy Story Trilogy

Directors: John Lasseter, Ash Brannon and Lee Unkrich
Starring: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Joan Cusack and John Ratzenberger


This entry is very important to me.  Hell, it's an important part of anyone in my generations lives.  The first Toy Story is the movie that we all go back to.  It is one of the best animated ever.  Pixar wouldn't exist if the movie didn't work as well as it did.  Hell, animated films would be completely different.  This movie is a landmark on every front.  With a story that manages to transcend age, about friendship and growing up and even the prospect of a newborn sibling in a way, this movie can be appreciated by all.  And really, it has such a great damn hook.  What if our toys were sentient and lived lives when we weren't looking?  Just brilliant.  And we just funny damn character, from the ornery old man Mr Potato Head to the loyal Slinky Dog to our two main men.  Woody and Buzz Lightyear.  I really can't stress just how important these two are.  Perfectly imbued with life by Tom Hanks and Tim Allen, they are the two whose friendship taught alot of kids how to be friends.  Hell, it taught them how to even be siblings in a way.  Woody going from the big dog to being humbled by the arrival of the shiny new Buzz Lightyear is great stuff.  And even Buzz Lightyear, going from the man who thinks he knows everything to realizing the world he actually lives in is not what he thinks is mindblowing for a kids movie.  But the journey of these two from enemies to the best friends in the world is just movie magic of the highest order.  But we figured it was the end of it.  But we kids got lucky and 4 years later got a sequel that introduces more characters that are just as iconic.  We get Jessie and Bullseye and Stinky Pete.  Jessie's plight is another mindfuck for kids, as she suffers from serious PTSD from losing her previous owner and suffering from intense claustrophobia.  Even Stinky Pete, that rat bastard, is so deadset on being valuable that he tries to essential kidnap Woody and Jessie. This second installment is loads of fun and a good time for all ages, but it also introduces a bit of a darker tone.  Kidnapping and enslavement and abandonment are crazy topics for a kids movie like this.  The darker tone pushes through into the 3rd installment 11 years later.  Andy is all grown up and heading to college.  So the toys are about to be put into storage when adventure strikes.  Ending up in a day care ruled with an iron fist by the despotic Lotso Huggin Bear (a great, subtle Starsky and Hutch joke).  So we essentially get the toy version of a prison escape movie and it is as fun as one would expect.  We even get Buzz getting "reset" and reverting back to his factory settings, but it Spanish.  But towards the end of the movie, things take a turn for the dark.  And we don't know how far it's going to go.  By the end of the movie, anyone who grew up with these awesome little bastards are in tears as we are forced to say goodbye to the past.  This movie is the ultimate series of animated movies for my generation, because we grew up with them.  We were Andy.  We were kids when the first came out, and off to College like Andy by the 3rd.  We had to grow up and leave the past behind.  This is like the Before Sunrise trilogy, but for animation.  It stands to reason we won't see anything as powerful and able to catch the zeitgeist the way these movies did.  For me, the pinnacle of animation.  My childhood, wrapped into close to 5 hours of perfect.

The gang came back to say goodbye

- Tom Lorenzo

South Park: The Stick of Truth

Matt Stone and Trey Parker have conquered television with South Park, movies with the South Park movie and Team America, and broadway with The Book of Mormon.  So as pop culture savvy as they are, and as young as they skew it seems very odd that they haven't taken on the video game realm with their vicious satirical eye.  Despite the appearance of licensed South Park games in the late 90s/early 2000s, they had no hand in them.  And it's not surprising, seeing as how they really kinda sucked.  But a few years back, they decided to make a game that they are pretty much responsible for.  So they found a studio that they liked, wrote a script and voiced the thing.  It was essentially the show, but now interactive.  And that means it gets as wild as one could imagine a legitimate South Park game could be.  But what kind of game would it be?  A FPS, a third person shooter or an open world adventure game?  Coming from them, it's just as retro as one would assume.  They decided on making an old school turn based RPG game.

From the very start of the game, these guys are busting the balls of the conventions of the genre the game is.  You are the new kid in town and have to make up you appearance.  But since it's a RPG, you never talk.  And right off the bat, they are making jokes about how you can't talk.  No dialogue trees, no just acting as if you said something.  Nope, silence.  And the citizens know it.  You go off and try to make new friends when you meet Butters.  He's all dressed up, playing a game when he invites you to Cartmans to role play Humans vs Elves.  So you do, because you are a nameless/personalityless character.  And from their, you learn how to play the game in a very South Park way.  It involves alot of makeshift weapons, bleeding kids and "magic" that is just cupping and throwing your farts.  Any fear that the game was gonna be a diluted version of the show/Trey and Matts humor need not worry, just from that last sentence.

This game is the biggest treasure trove of easter eggs for South Park fans.  Despite having an original storyline, it is built off of parts that come from past episodes (most specifically the black friday trilogy, among others I won't spoil).  And it isn't a spoiler to say, just because the game starts off as a bunch of kids role playing doesn't mean it stays like that the whole time.  Like many a South Park story, it gets crazier than necessary.  And like many a South Park story, it is absolutely filthy.  And in almost every way, it has the filthiest and absolutely most vulgar jokes in the properties history.

The game is funny, but most importantly it is fun.  It's a legitimately well made RPG.  There are many side missions that are fun and time consuming, giving you new gear or items.  The town is filled with many characters you know and love from the show.  There are also plenty of locations from the game too, also hidden ones you may not find if you don't look for them.  It is filled to the brim with fun.  The combat works and makes complete sense within a gaming perspective, and the world of the game. And even if you aren't a fan of the old school kind of game it is, if you love South Park then you'll love the game.

There aren't many good licensed games and it's usually because they are soulless money grabs that just capitalize on the name.  And that happened to South Park a few times.  But Matt and Trey brought their A game to the video game world and made a classic.  It fits right in with the show.  Visually it's the same as the show, which makes it a weird but delightful experience.  Tonally it's the same as well, absolutely filthy but much smarter than a property with sentient shit should be.  The first great game of the year.  Highly recommended.


9/10

- Tom Lorenzo