Movies Watched The Week of 6/21 - 6/27

Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, I am Free at Last! It is official.  My time writing for another website is over, and I can now focus on this bastard for you guys.  And in the first week outside of that prison term, I can bring you a review of a brand spanking new movie in theaters.  And it’s a solid week.  Only one real movie that could be considered bad but has enough to work with to not be a total waste.  So, I’m glad to be back and hope you guys are ready.  Let’s get this shit started.  Enjoy.

Immortals (June 21st, 2015)

Director: Tarsem Singh

Starring: Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke, Freida Pinto, and Luke Evans

Zack Snyder must feel pretty good about himself.  Sure, neckbeards sweating over their keyboards hate the man for being able to bring breathtaking visuals to the screen with ease with a story they may not find up to snuff.  And sure, he hasn’t hit the zeitgeist since he made 300.  But excluding movies using the slow mo ramping he’s made a signature for himself, but there’s been two movies specifically trying to apes his style to such an egregious length that you really see how tactful and smart he really is.  And they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. The first was 300: Rise of An Empire and you can feel his touch missed with somebody trying to do a Snyder impression, to a lesser degree.  Then there’s Immortals, a movie that is narratively hodgepodge of 300 and God of War that is blatantly using Snyders style. But unlike 300: Rise of An Empire, this movie has no reason to look like 300 despite being a blatant cash grab trying to, like Rise of An Empire, latch onto a popular movie way past it’s interest date.  Also unlike the other knockoff, this one is kinda sedate and boring.  Rise of An Empire is a galloping, nut job fucking movie that whips from insanity to insanity.  Immortals though, is rote and unoriginal with only the few instances of violence saving this from being a complete snorefest.  The cast is also not really up to the task of making this sing, playing it down instead of going big like this story calls for.  Rourke looks bored and doesn’t  really sell the anger in the role.  Cavill tries his best but doesn’t have the writing or the directing to make this character someone to care about.  And the gods barely even register since they barely exist in the movie.  But it is in those violent moments that I wasn’t totally disappointed in this movie.  It is so over the top violent and is shot well enough to make it worthwhile.  Cause while the in between shit isn’t high class, it’s not aggressively bad to bring the rest down.  It’s a meh package with some great bloodletting.  If that sounds good enough for you, cool.  Otherwise, I can’t really recommend this. 

Rating: 7/10

Two-Lane Blacktop (June 23rd, 2015)
Director: Monte Hellman
Starring: James Taylor, Dennis Wilson, Laurie Bird, and Warren Oates

A week or so back, I reviewed a car movie by David Cronenberg that was so out of field by the man, a loose and fun little romp that is so totally against the stuffy and intellectual tone he goes for.  This movie here feels more like a movie about cars that Cronenberg would make.  It’s slow and more about a theme. Sometimes with Cronenberg that could be hard to watch, but here that isn’t a total problem.  It could have been, since the majority of the cast is not very good at acting.  Taylor and Wilson aren’t actors, so that’s expected.  But it doesn’t really hurt the movie, since it plays into the movies ideas.  It’s gotta be said though, like I said last week, thank God for Warren Oates. He’s the only one here acting, and acting well.  What he’s doing is also within the ideas of the film, but he has to play that role.  Wilson and Taylor are supposed to be blanks, a statement on that bullshit hippie movement where they don’t have any goals and just do whatever.  Oates is of the older generation, apparently full of bluster and full of shit.  It’s not a movie that says one side is better than the other, just that everything is bullshit.  The movie looks great, a good visual showpiece of the roads of America.  The car stuff is good and fun.  It’s a really singular movie, pretty much unlike anything else out there.    I can see why it tanked completely and ruined Hellmans career.  But I’m glad that it’s gained popularity over time, championed by filmmakers and critics alike as a lost gem. 

Rating: 8/10

A Bug's Life (June 27th, 2015)
Director: John Lasseter and Andrew Stanton
Starring: Dave Foley, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Phyllis Diller, and Kevin Spacey

Pixar had, for the longest time, the reputation of putting out classic after classic.  But that isn’t completely true.  Not that there was a legitimately bad movie until Cars 2.  But people like to forget that A Bug’s Life wasn’t the barnstorming classic that most Pixar movies are.  But I gotta say, A Bug’s Life isn’t bad at all.  It stands in stark contrast to the prior movie, Toy Story.  But this movie is really good and entertaining.  What separates this movie from the pack though is two fold.  One, the plot of the movie feels very Disney in that it just takes the plot of another story and transplants it onto a kids movie, in this case Seven Samurai.  But unlike Disney, it doesn’t really have that certain spark, that energy, to really make the narrative copying a strength.  Not that it isn’t funny or charming, but it’s missing that little something.  The second thing is that visually, it is not as attractive as Toy Story or any of their movies afterwards (minus Cars of course).  Not that the tech is bad, but the design of the world just isn’t as interesting as other stuff.  But the movie overcomes those flaws to be a really good animated film, filled with charm.  The voice cast is great, MVP being Spacey.  It’s really a simple flick, something that doesn’t have the pure heart as Toy Story, but has enough for the kids.  And like most Disney/Pixar movies, the bad guy is taken out in a horrifying way.  I’d say this is a solid recommendation with the clause that you shouldn’t expect high class Pixar.

Rating: 9/10

Ted 2 (June 27th, 2015)
Director: Seth MacFarlane
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Seth MacFarlane, Amanda Seyfried, and Jessica Barth

Seth MacFarlane is the comedic version of EA.  A big, successful brand that most hip assholes like to rip on for being popular.  Sure, some of the stuff they put out isn’t great.  But the hatred is ridiculous and can rear it’s ugly head at an undeserved moments.  A Million Ways To Die In The West wasn’t great, but the hate was overblown to an insane degree.  And now Ted 2 is getting that hatred.  I say to that, fuck that noise.  Ted 2 was really funny and had more energy to it than West.  It’s got Wahlberg playing his lovable Boston doofus role which is alway fun.  MacFarlane playing Ted, a still really great special effect and funny.  Barth is still great as the trashy Boston girl married to Ted.  Seyfried isn’t bad per se, but she really doesn’t play anything interesting.  She’s just the perfect creature, someone to smoke and curse with the guys because she’s a dream girl.  Giovani Ribisi shows up again, but isn’t as fun this time (minus a perfect gag at the end).  Morgan Freeman shows up for a paycheck.  The movie gets way more plot heavy than the last 2 MacFarlane movies, trying to get into some social issues.  That doesn’t work too great, as it tries to be serious but goofy at the same time and doesn’t really stick the landing.  Anything regarding the “plot” isn’t great, where most of the non plot stuff is hilarious.  There are two gags that stuck in my mind that are ingenious.  Now, if you didn’t like the first one this isn’t gonna change things for you.  You’ll either dislike it or smugly stand above it like a smug douchelord.  But if you dig Ted, this is gonna be a hell of a time.  

Rating: 8.5/10







Top Movies

1. A Bug's Life
2. Ted 2
3. Two Lane Blacktop
4. Immortals

- Tom Lorenzo